Today driving home from Brienne’s house for the first time since last year I noticed how all the feelings that I used to get had expired. Seeing Brienne be greeted by her family, and seeing her excitement was like seeing the reflection of myself a year ago. I recall being super excited about returning home. There was always the train trips where for 4-5 hours all I did was think of home. There was the family greeting and dinner where we catched on odd pieces of conversation and happenings. And finally there was seeing Brienne. None of these things are quite the same this year.
To return home is like never finished a major chord. It begs to be concluded, but I always leave before it even has a chance to strike the final tone. I feel like an alian in this city. I have so many memories while driving up and down the local roads, but all seem to far and distant to reinvigorate any feeling in coming home. And there are so many memories too, a shame they all go to waste.
Home will never be the same as it was. Perhaps this is a transition we all make because let’s be honest, coming home once a month to your parents house is not something most adults do. The more interesting thing however is: should I be feeling this transition, or is there something going wrong with how I choose to live my life?
During the summer I started to notice that a lot of people ask me for directions. While at Rutgers I go at least half a dozen people asking me for buildings, streets and places. I didn’t even go to that school, but somehow I managed to always help them. It gave me an odd feeling to say the least, it made me feel like I was part of the Rutgers student population for a while.
Now here in Albany the same thing is happening. Just about every day I have been asked for some sort of guidance. Yesterday I got a drunk freshmen asking me where the lecture center was. For those who don’t study here let me tell you, the lecture centers is at the heart of the campus, there is no way on earth anyone should ever not know where it is. Its like saying where is the gas when you go to a gas station.
To day 3 people asked me for information but the oddest one was just now. This girl sits behind me on a computer next to me and first asks me how to write an e-mail from the UAlbany account. w*f Then she asks me how one spells a-s-s-i-g-n-m-e-n-t. Alright, maybe she doesn’t know how to use the e-mail program we have at school, and assignment could be seen as a tricky word. Then she asks me to read the e-mail over because it was her first class ever and she was afraid of making a bad first impression. It was full of grammar errors and repeated words in the same sentence however the most entertaining thing was how she metioned the “book store” as the “ book house”. Conclusion, another drunk freshmen that I have had to deal with in the past 2 days. sigh.. I was soo not like that.
You think, when you are in High School, that once you graduate you will not have to stay out in the rain and wind waiting for a cramped bus in the morning. Yet it so happens that that experience never ends. Today at 8:45 sharp I was out at the street corner of my dorm waiting in the cold for the bus (which is always slightly late).
Being college basically upgrades the bus experience. Now as a college student I am allowed to actually stand while the bus is moving. I have no option of seat belts. And you have weird people siting next to you. This reflection came about when I was looking out the window and a yellow school bus came to a stop next to my public transportation bus.
Just when you think you moved on to new things: the past comes by and reminds you that you haven’t changed as much as you think you have.